it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
It's blow job season.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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