I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize