Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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