Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
