he puts the penis in happiness.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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