I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
