Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
