I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
My life is pants optional.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
