I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
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