if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
found the other keg... it's in the tree
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
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