final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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