at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
