My Higher Power is John Stamos
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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