glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
