But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
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You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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