You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
So here I am, sexting at work.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
