I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
