Just mADE A PArabola og urine
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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