my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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