I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
His hands were made for my vagina.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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