Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
It was like getting head from an anaconda
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
