I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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