I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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