kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
The struggles of a small town man whore
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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