i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
