I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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