I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
