i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
