when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
