Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Randomize
