R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
