Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I didn't notice because vodka
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
