literally had 100 drinks last night.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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