I think I died a long time ago.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
