I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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