I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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