I should be sponsored by Trojan
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
