Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
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