Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
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We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
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We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
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