THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
sarcasm needs its own font
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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