omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
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