we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
