I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Randomize
