smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?