I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
