do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
