i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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