I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
