Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
