I would go down on you faster than GM stock
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
