Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
