"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
