Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
