i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
