He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
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Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
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My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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