you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
