5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
