I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
