well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
