you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
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i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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