Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
