That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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