if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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