So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize