Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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