You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
