i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
you never un-have a 4some
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
